Its funny how God works. How He speaks to us. What he teaches us, and how. Sometimes in my daily walk with Him I try too hard to figure out my assignment for the day. Try to hard to listen to my direction. When really, I just need to be still. Just listen. I find that normally when I receive a "clear" teaching is when I usually have my mind on a different track then the one I was originally focused on. Its not that I think He doesn't listen, nor that I am suppose to know just everything He has planned. That is the wonderful thing about having faith in Him. He surprises us constantly. With the most perfect plan. At the most perfect time. He does listen. Constantly.
Lately my heart has been heavy. It seems that there is so much going on in my little world with those around me. My thoughts seem so caught up about those close to me, those I don't even know, and those so far away. My heart is heavy to help. Heavy to pray for each and every soul on my list. I find myself questioning "Why," "Why now," Why to them?" I can't help it. I can't help but tear up. I can't help but get frustrated with the "whys." Hard times like these make moments of blessings and thanksgiving seem foggy. How selfish is that? I'll admit it. That is just selfish of me.
I am quickly reminded how truly blessed I am. I think about how selfish I have been this past year. How selfish my thoughts and writings have come across. I may have had a total broken heart, but I'm alive. I lost a lot in a house fire, but I have a family that survived. I questioned everything. Prayed constantly. My timing and God's timing were far from the same path. I contemplate my feelings from this past year and all that has happened, and I never thought a year later I would truly thank my perfect Lord for all he has done. He has blessed me with a wonderful understanding of His love, of the true meaning of love in general, the value of a strong family, and poured blessings upon me through wonderful people and friends. He has taught me the total power of prayer, and the strength behind it. The undying love that he has for me. He has never once left me, nor forsaken me, just as he has promised. He is a God of Grace and Mercy. A God of patients and justice. I can't even begin to explain the countless lessons and the strength He has provided my heart. He has PROMISED to make my path, to plan MY life, and for me to NOT worry, to only trust. He yanked precious things from my life to straighten me out, to draw me nearer and closer to Him. I see that. I see how all the bricks fit so closely together. I am truly thankful.
I've climbed mountains this year. I have witnessed God's mighty power work over my heart. I truly believe he can do anything. No prayer is ever too big, or too long. He hears them all. But the key we fight is the response. It might not always meet ours, in fact it usually doesn't. Sometimes our desires and His are really quite different. But isn't it funny how everything works out perfectly? Isn't it funny how when we look back and we are able to see how all the pieces fit perfectly together, how that one thing makes perfect sense to lead to the next? He's a perfect God. With a perfect plan for each of us. He loves us.
Tonight I remind myself of His love. I've spent the day with a confused heart. I feel like anymore I am constantly adding something to my prayer list. I pray constantly for those I know in the hospital. For Mary Drake, a 16 year old beautiful girl, that was in a horrible car wreck, and by God's grace alone, with no medical reasoning at all, she is alive and currently recovering in Little Rock. I pray for a very special person's grandmother that is very ill in the hospital and is just waiting for Jesus to take her home. I pray for God to provide him strength, for clear understanding and comfort to him and his family. I am thankful for the doctor's knowledge and their hands that are constantly trying to physically heal her. I constantly think and pray for the children in orphanages around the world. For the precious faces that are without families, those on the streets without food and shelter. Lately my heart has been heavy around the holiday for those families that celebrated without loved ones near. Holidays are so special and so traditional, therefore not having those special people around makes it so much harder. My heart goes to those people; my heart is weak for them. I pray for the men and women fighting for my life around the world right now. That God will put each under his wing, and if it is in His will, and His will alone, they will return safely to their families. I pray for my best friend, that God will pour out crystal clear direction and amazing strength. I praise Him for her talent and faithful friendship. I pray for the little kids I keep, that God will work wonders in their little hearts and lives. I am truly thankful for how he uses each little child to touch my life. The list goes on and on... With knowing the ability behind the power of prayer now makes my heart so heavy to not forget a situation. Not to forget others.
In the midst of dwelling on this today, I was at the point of finally being distracted by something else, by His word. In Bible Study, He taught me. Crystal clear. Our memory verse for this week was Philippians 4:6 "Be anxious for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known unto God." Just what I needed to hear. Be anxious in NOTHING but in EVERYTHING by prayer.
I just smiled. Thank you Jesus. Thank you for speaking to me. Thank you for all your blessings, for all your teachings. Thank you for your love that endures forever.
I am truly thankful. So thankful that He listens to little old me.
